90min’s Premier League Hall of Fame: Class of 2009

90min’s Premier League Hall of Fame has commemorated some pretty special talents over the past week. Eric Cantona, Dennis Irwin, Tony Adams, Matt Le Tissier have had their names etched in the annals of the ​Hall of Fame, to be forever remembered as true greats of the Premier League era. 

However, none of the aforementioned hold a candle to one of the men we will induct today. 

For this man is the greatest footballer of the Premier League era.

He is the most tactically astute manager of the Premier League era. 

And he is also a fashion icon, regularly spotted in Paris, Milan and London sporting the most beautiful gilets that money can buy. 

His name is Tim Sherwood, and he is the headliner of 90min’s 2009 induction class. 

Graeme Le Saux, Martin Keown and a little fella called Gianfranco Zola will also be inducted…but who cares? This is Tim Sherwood’s world, and we’re all just living in it. 


Graeme Le Saux

Chelsea v Bolton

​Premier League Clubs ​Years Played
​Chelsea ​1989-93 & 1997-03
Blackburn Rovers​ ​1993-97
​Southampton 2003-05​


We start off with the 
Graeme Le Saux, the ultimate New Labour footballer, who bounds onto the stage – Guardian in hand – to a rapturous applause. 

And he deserves it. 

A 7/10 week in, week out, Le Saux was a consummate professional, carrying himself with dignity on and off the pitch at Chelsea, Blackburn and Southampton. 

While the majority of his career was spent at the Chels, the high-watermark of the full-back’s career was the 1994/95 season, in which he made it into the PFA Team of the Year AND won the Premier League title with Blackburn Rovers (yes, that Blackburn Rovers). 


Martin Keown

Mboro v Arsenal X

​Premier League Clubs Years Played
​Everton ​1989-93
​Arsenal ​1993-04
​Leicester City ​2004-05

FADE IN:

INT. 90MIN’S PREMIER LEAGUE HALL OF FAME HEADQUARTERS. NIGHT. 

Tracking shot as Martin Keown, wearing a well-tailored navy suit, confidently strides across the stage toward the podium. The ex-Arsenal man was quite the scary b**tard on the pitch, but tonight he is cool, calm and composed. He accepts a handshake from Arsene Wenger and his 90min Hall of Fame award. 

MARTIN KEOWN

Thank you, thank you. 

Keown nods at the crowds while they greet him with applause. 

MARTIN KEOWN [CONT’D]

You’re too kind. 

The applause wanes as Keown looks lovingly at his award. 

MARTIN KEOWN [CONT’D]

To receive such an award from such an esteemed website is an honour, one of the highlights of my career. I’d like to thank 90min, Arsenal, and most importantly…

Keown stops abruptly. His complexion turns a sinister red as he looks over to the right of the crowd.

MARTIN KEOWN [CONT’D]

You…

Pan to who Keown is looking at…

…It’s Ruud van Nistelrooy. 

MARTIN KEOWN [CONT’D]

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Focus on Keown rips off his shirt to reveal the 2004 Arsenal away jersey. He then bounds off of the stage and lunges toward Van Nistelrooy. 

CUT TO:

BLACK


Gianfranco Zola

Gianfranco Zola scores second goal

​Premier League Clubs Years Played​
​Chelsea ​1996-03

Once the security guards manage to wrestle Martin Keown off of Ruud van Nistelrooy, 90min quickly usher Claudio Ranieri onto the stage to introduce the next inductee. 

The next inductee is much less, shall we say, angry fella. In fact, he’s one of the loveliest guys in world football. 

Oh, and also one of the most talented guys to ever play in the Premier League. 

Yes, you guessed it, it’s Gianfranco Zola. 

He embraces fellow lovely fella Ranieri onstage. The audience clap and cry, and then cry some more, as they watch two lovely fellas share a lovely moment. It’s all just lovely. 

Zola thanks Ranieri, Chelsea, the Premier League and – of course – 90min for his induction. He wishes everyone good health, before going down into the crowd, shaking each and every member of the 2,000 strong audience’s hands. Lovely. 


Tim Sherwood

FBL-EUR-C3-TOTTENHAM-DNIPRO

Premier League Clubs Years Played
​Norwich City ​1989-92
​Blackburn Rovers ​1992-99
​Tottenham Hotspur ​1999-03
​Portsmouth ​2003-04

…Ok, so maybe Zola greeting everyone in the audience wasn’t such a good idea, because it’s now 3am…

…And it’s FINALLY time for the big man himself. 

The GOAT of GOATS. 

The man who MADE Harry Kane. 

The man who DRAGGED a lowly Blackburn Rovers to the Premier League title. 

The man who SINGLE-HANDEDLY brought back the gilet. 

Tim Sherwood, linen gilet and all, is announced as the final inductee of the night by his Harry Kane. The crowd, as expected, erupts into song. 

“We love you Timmy, we do! We love you Timmy, we do! We love you Timmy, we do, ooooh Timmy we love you!” 

Tim Sherwood

Flares are lit. Flags are flown. The 90min Hall of Fame headquarters turns into the Yellow Wall. 

Sherwood gets up onto the stage and fist pumps profusely, before walking over to Kane. They embrace. Kane cries. Sherwood pats him on the head and walks over to the podium. 

​Sherwood: “Well, well, well. I ah, I see some familiar faces here today. Some welcome, some not so welcome. It looks as if I’ve had the last laugh. And a lot of people who really didn’t think I’d have it in me to become a brilliant footballer. Well what I say to those people is:

“Look at me now…”

Tim Sherwood continues to ramble on about people who doubted him for an oddly long time… 

Sherwood continues: “…Eventually I got out of his headlock, and now where are you, Chris Sutton, working with some hippies on the telly, and where am I? Here. Accepting a 90min Premier League Hall of Fame induction for being a top footballer…”

The audience grows tiresome of Timmy’s rant. Some begin to make their way to the exit. 

Sherwood: “…Yes of course, he thought it’d be a great idea, great fun, to pour water on this young novice’s mattress, but of course, 20 years later, the smile has been very much wiped off of Colin Hendry’s face…”

Almost everyone has now left the arena. There are a few strays left in the crowd, like Nabil Bentaleb, but not many. 

Sherwood: “…And now we move on to liars…”

Just as Sherwood is about to name ‘liars’, Zola comes onto the stage. Zola has a quick word in with Sherwood, before shepherding him off the stage of the now completely empty arena. 


Let’

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *